For many decades of weddings, couples have been instructed with checklists of what to do to get to ‘the big day.’ With all the glitz and glam of walking down the aisle, there is an uneasiness that many feel about their traditions being so familiar, so standard. Fortunately, customizations have become an emerging trend, with throngs of couples creating their own personalized, and one of a kind weddings as opposed to being relegated to the arbitrary formula of the wedding industry.

What is prompting couples to step away from the assembly line weddings?

Most weddings have looked and felt the same for the last few decades. A church venue followed by the bride in a white gown, open bar, and a DJ spinning 90’s hits. While nothing is wrong with the classics, it seems that many couples are passing up the wedding of their dreams.

How people view marriage and the ceremony has been the biggest driver of this shift. It is more than simply meeting a societal norm, it is deeper, and more descriptive, and personal, and as a reflection of a concept that is unique to the partnership being celebrated. And this mindset is quickly changing the way the wedding is celebrated.

Couples are thinking about their weddings differently.

• They are being more introspective about their weddings.
• How do we want to remember the day?
• How do we want our guests to remember the day? This focus is resulting in memories more unique, more personal, and more special.

Consider the smaller details

When it comes to adding a personal touch, it doesn’t have to be very extravagent and turn the whole day into a circus. A lot of the time the quieter options hit the hardest.

More and more couples have been doing their own vows instead of reading someone else’s vows. Public speaking is not the most comfortable thing to do, so knowing that makes their delivery even more emotional. It’s the awkward pauses, and stutters.

Also helps if their songs come from real memories instead of royalty free playlists. Scary Car, first road trip song Honestly Overplayed song strong memory Set a powerful moment.

Food with meaning. A couple who bonded over street tacos might serve tacos at their wedding. Two people who love cooking might do a tasting menu based on their favourite dinner party dishes. When a menu has a story, it becomes seared into the memory, making the whole experience much more valuable than fuel for the dancing.

The right venue for the right relationship coupled with the food. The era of the generic banquet hall is over. With more and more people getting married in bookshops, rooftop gardens, family backyards, national parks and even boats, the setting becomes a reflection of the couple, and more and more people want it to be a true reflection of themselves.

How Technology Is Helping Couples Connect More Deeply

What if I told you that the most important part in the modern practice of relationship-building isn’t the venue or florist? It’s an app.

With platforms like Courtly, couples are shifting how they spend their time and money– no longer just on their weddings, and instead on their actual relationship. Rather than waiting for a big celebration, couples are creating pockets of intentional connection in their everyday lives. That foundation of quiet, strong commitment, is what ultimately makes the wedding feel real, instead of just for show.

Married couples who really know each other just before the wedding, will have a much more meaningful and inclusive ceremony. Their vows will be true. They will have the best stories for the speeches, and even the seating chart will be a breeze.

Micro-Weddings and the Rise of Intimacy Over Scale

Over the last few years, a growing number of people have opted for micro-weddings, which can have a guest list of as little as 20 people.

The increase in popularity of micro-wedding is not solely a function of cost. Many couples opting for micro-weddings have the budget for bigger weddings, but purposefully decide on a smaller wedding.

With a smaller micro-wedding, each guest can be invited for a reason, which is likely to make the atmosphere and conversations more friendly. Additionally, the couple will have more of an opportunity to actually speak with all their guests, as opposed to spending the whole event in a receiving line.

Micro weddings are also able to be to be a lot more personal. Instead of having to order in bulk the same centerpieces and menus, micro weddings can be more thoughtful with their playlists, menus, and centerpieces.

Creating a Marriage, Not just a Wedding Day

What often gets lost in wedding planning is that a wedding day is a single event, while a marriage lasts the rest of your life.

Most couples are beginning to see those two things as interconnected and not just in the planning of a ceremony, but the creation of rituals and practices that help them carry the essence of the day into the everyday. Annual tradition nights. Monthly date nights. Even the way they deal with conflict and speak about hard things.

There is a growing interest in tools that foster ongoing connection in partnerships; relationship check-ins, conversation starters, and guided date activities. Courtly is a prime example of a service that helps you bridge the wedding day dopamine hit and the long, gorgeous, ho-hum essence of everyday partnership.

A personalized wedding experience isn’t about the arrangements, location, or decor. It’s about two people, after the last guest has left, continuing to choose each other with intention, a bit of creativity, and a dash of effort.

From “Should” to “Want”

When couples are embarking on the journey of planning a wedding, one of the things that can set them free in the planning process is figuring out how to remove the word “should” from their vocabulary.

We should do a cake cutting. Do you want to do one? Or do you just feel that you are supposed to?

We should invite our extended family. Is that what you want, or what you feel you have to do?

We should do a traditional first dance. Wouldn’t you prefer to just be able to freely dance when the right song comes on?

None of the traditions is inherently bad, a lot of them are nice, and most couples when they take the obligation out of traditions and do what they really want find they can have some traditions that remain, some traditions that are changed, and some that are happily jettisoned. 

We really want to do this, and this is really the kind of foundation that is needed for a solid marriage.

Practical Ways To Start Personalization Now

If you are in the early stages of planning, or are already deep in to the planning process, here are some actionable strategies:

• Have the “what matters most,” conversation right off the bat. Not “what kind of flowers do you want,” but “what do you want people to feel when they leave?”
• Story collection. The moments, songs, inside jokes, places, and anything else that represents your relationship are the raw materials that you will pull from.
• Give yourselves permission to say no. No to family pressures that do not serve you both. No to traditions that do not resonate. And, no to vendors that do not fit.
• Prior to the wedding, devote energy and effort to your relationship. The ceremony will benefit greatly because of it.
• Consider Day 2. What do you want to carry over to married life? What rituals will still make each other feel seen after the wedding?

Final Thoughts

A close and personal experience for your wedding doesn’t have to cost a fortune or be elaborate. All it takes is for the couple to stay engaged and be curious about each other and what they desire the most.

A wedding can reflect original thoughts or it can perform someone else’s idea of love. The choice increasingly is yours.

Marriages that last often look like the weddings that started them. Honest, thoughtful, and full of personal touches.